Monday, April 22, 2013

Big Changes

I've been thinking about blogging again for awhile. I considered starting a new blog, but then figured what the hell, I already have one!

  John and I are finally getting ready to move after being here at his moms for the last seven years. After a lot of discussion, paperwork and going through a lot of other shit Irene has finally gone into assisted living and we are finally almost on our own. This really was the best thing for everyone. She wasn't happy here anymore, even though it's her house. I think with the depression over the separation with her oldest daughter and grand kids, the other 2 daughters living so far away and her ill health she was just kind of giving up. John and I couldn't really care for her anymore, she wouldn't listen to him even when it came to her health and we didn't feel we could be responsible. Assisted living seemed like the best thing, and she is doing more now. She seems to have made a few friends and is actually interested in some of the things that are going on. So as hard as the decision was, it seems to have been the right move.

    So it's a whole new ballgame for John and I, and it's pretty exciting. Sio is pretty much staying with her boyfriend all the time and they are making plans to move in together in the next month or so. And John and I are also looking for a place to live. We want to stay in the general area if we can. He already is driving 25 miles to work and he really doesn't want to drive much further if we can avoid it. I'd like to live on the edge of the western burbs, we can definitely find a place out there that is affordable, but the distance is just too far. At least we don't have to be out of here right away so I have time to look.

  I have lots of needlework to post pics of, I have made some pretty nice things in the last few months including knitting 4 pairs of socks. I'll start playing catch up with those pics in the next day or so.

16 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about getting a job? The kids have been independent for quite a while now. Irene is in assisted living. Now seems like a good time. Maybe a job near where John works? Involving sewing, needlework, knitting - all those things you've been doing for free. Then you might be able to afford to move closer to his work and he won't have to drive 25 miles each way every day. There's public transpiration all over the area or maybe you could get your driver's license back, drive John to work and then drive yourself.

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I question your claim that Irene is depressed because of her split with her oldest daughter. It was her choice! Why would she reject her daughter's offer to visit her and then be depressed about her daughter not seeing her? That's what she wanted. It's easy to mistake the sullenness of passive-aggressive personality disorder for depression, if you don't know what to look for. Remember you answered the phone when her oldest daughter called after she was told (inaccurately, it turns out) by Carl at the urging of you, his mom and Mary that Irene was going to die if her oldest daughter didn't race over immediately to see her. (That was a pretty mean thing to do since you knew her doctor said she was responding well to treatment.) Her daughter called, anyway, offered to visit Irene while she was having chemo, and Irene said, "Yeah, well maybe." It never went past that. Yeah, well maybe. If she is, in fact depressed, maybe it's because of her current circumstances instead of the distant past - her formerly pretty and clean house trashed and not selling, her kicked out. Maybe she regrets some of the choices she made - but she did make them.

I've know Irene for over 60 years, and she has been sullen and cold as long as I've known her. My dad, who was a gregarious person until he gave up and started drinking, tried to get her to participate in dinner table conversations. We all debated a topic of the day (e.g., is God dead? Are their Martians?) Irene just sat sullenly, eating loudly, saying not a word, cold, sullen and apparently resentful at every one else's having a good time. I only remember one time when she seemed truly happy except for when she was stabbing someone in the back (that made her pleased with herself for her cleverness but I don't think it really made her happy since she had to have know the target was not likely to stick around.

So, if you really think she's depressed, you should suggest a professional do diagnostic evaluation. Don't forget to mention that she chose not to see her oldest daughter. Hey, everyone can choose to reject their adult kids. If that's what she wants, she's welcome to it. But sending over Ruth to ask when her oldest daughter is going to invite her over is just too much. Surely you'd know Ruth would find out about the books you, John and she stole from me. I had to ask Ruth if she would invite a thief to her house. Ruth's a good person, so she was a bit upset when she discovered she had been used.

12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Irene's most common passive-aggressive behavior is "forgetting" to do something she had agreed to do. For example, the day before we were going to meet with the first real estate agent in 2007 so she could appraise the house for sale, Irene agreed to do a few last minute things because I was taking my kids to see "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" in Chicago. The kids and I love the movie and it was not Irene's cup of tee. So, she and I agreed (I thought) on a list of last minute things she would do while the kids and I were downtown. I left the list on her dining room table and called her to show her where it was. She said she saw it.

When we returned after about 7 hours, not one thing on the list had been done. NOTHING! That meant her house wasn't ready for the meeting with the real estate agent so it could get the best price. I was exhausted from driving and the kids had school the next day, so we couldn't do it. I asked her why she didn't do anything on the list. She said,"I forgot there was a list."!!!! I asked what she had been doing the entire time we had been gone. She claimed she had been cleaning the grout in the kitchen. However, we had already done that, decided it was as clean as it was ever going to be, and to not work on it any more. She said she"forgot" we talked about that. It didn't look any cleaner, so I think she just sat on her butt for 7 hours, doing nothing. This was obviously pasive-aggressive punishment for having taken my kids to a play that she wouldn't have liked, anyway, and I didn't have an extra $75 to spend on a ticket for someone who wouldn't appreciate it. After seeing it, I felt she definitely would not have liked it. Apparently,she expected me to buy her a ticket,and then invite her. After having invited her to go with us to Disneworld, and having her belittle me in front of the Easter dinner family gathering for thinking SHE would be interested in "an amusement park", I wasn't going to do that again. Disneyworld was AWSOME! She's on her own now. No more game-playing.

The next day, she slept in and missed the meeting with the real estate agent. I called to her, but she was sleeping like a dog and wouldn't get up (and didn't set her alarm, either, apparently) When I had finished with her meeting, she claimed she had"forgot" about it. (I suggested she be tested for Alheeimer's Disease, since she kept saying she forgot. since anew drug had just come out that prevented progression of the disease if given early. She said she had the test, but there were never any results. I believe she lied and didn't have the test so she could continue to claim she was forgetting more as she got older. (She often "forgot" to make dinner when we were kids, so it has nothing to do with her age. Being the oldest, I'd get the other kids together to decide how to feed ourselves while Irene continued to nap for hours and hours, climbing she had "a migraine". I asked her about her symptoms later because migraines can be inherited, and it turned out she didn't have migraines, after all. She just preferred to nap than feed her kids.
So, a lot of this stuff is nothing new.

5:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The worst thing you guys did was knowingly ambush my daughter, using your own daughters to con mine into what she and I were told by Melissa would be a girl's night out with her, my daughter and Melissa. When my daughter got there, she discovered you, John, Irene, and Mary. Luckliy, she knew to call me. (Both of my kids learned that when their dad said, 'don't tell your mom" that was exactly when they should tell me because there was a con in the works. Kaylyn said Melissa had a meltdown and claimed she didn't know I didn't want her around Irene, but if that's true, her parents definitely knew and should have told her. I made sure Kaylyn had a car since the whole thing sounded suspicious (at first, Melissa said she wanted to see me, too, but she nixed any such plans and was obviously trying to get my daughter alone, w/o me there. Having been through these little schemes of yours before, I recognized the signs. (Remember when you and John decided to drive with me and Irene to Jewel "just for the ride" - yeah, right - and then ambushed me and tried to convince me that I "owed" John because I went away to college while he stayed home and worked to support 3 babies in short order? WTF! John could have gone away to college, too, but you and he got pregnant, and he was pressured into marriage. I had nothing to do with that, for God's sake. You two knew what made babies just like everyone else who had sex ed class in high school. There are no accidental pregnancies, only careless ones.

7:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, to finis, Irene knew what she was doing when she ganged up on my daughter. She had her own kids. My kids don't belong to her, and she could have seen them, but she CHOSE to mistreat all of us. If she's depressed, maybe it's because she knows her bad behavior has been the cause of our not seeing her. You have encouraged that bad behavior by participating in it and urging Carl and Melissa to lie. You should have told Irene "No". Carl should have said "No. He wouldn't lie about her being almost on her deathbed." Now, if she ever is really sick, guess who's not going to believe it? Hasn't anyone there ever heard the story about the boy who called Wolf so many times that no one believed him when there really was a wolf? Well, read it because we're not rushing to her because Paula, Linda and Mary, three people with no medical training whatsoever, claim she's sick again. Didn't believe it last time, and won't believe it next time. Your fault.

8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forgot to mention the lies Irene told everyone the day she trashed my new car, fortunately not hurting the other driver. You were all there. She borrowed my car to get a pizza from Nardi's, She came home from Nardi's crying and with my car banged up and said "a kid came out of nowhere and hit me." She told everyone she was the victim. Everyone comforted her, said "Don't worry about Gloria's car. At least you're all right.". I soon found out she was lying. The police report clearly said Irene was at fault and described how she pulled out of the Nardi's parking lot into oncoming traffic on Addison Road. She insisted that she was the victim and the police report was a lie because, she said, the police were friends of the other driver. She shoved a note into my hand signed by some guy who she said was a witness. The note said the the other car hit Irene. What it didn't say was that Irene had pulled out of the Nardi's parking lot into oncoming traffic, which is WHY the car hit her - Irene came out of nowhere. The other driver had a right to be driving where he was, and if he had been killed, Irene would have been charged with vehicular homicide. Insurance companies don't pay for damage to cars that the other driver caused, according to the police report. That's what they go on! The police report clearly said Irene caused the crash. Irene clucked about how unreasonable they all were, and it's too bad I had to do all that work. (She didn't offer to do anything or pay for anything, not even talk to the insurance company. When I was in Addison the next time, I took the police report and recreated what it said the police described as having happened, according to witnesses. It turned out that the guy did hit Irene, because SHE PULLED OUT INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC ONTO ADDISON ROAD! Oncoming traffic has the right-of-way (duh! IF SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT,SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN DRIVING!) She still claimed the police report was faked, since it was obvious to her the police were friends with the other driver. This was too lame to be believed. When I asked her how she knew the police were friends of the other driver - what did they do or say that proved it? - Irene just said, "Oh, I don't know, I could just tell." She says this often when she gets cauhjt lying. She never offered to pay for the damage she caused because she continued to expect me to believe she had some special mental power that allows her to know the police were friends of the other driver.
People, what is the matter with you? When you borrow someone's stuff and cause damage, you aren't supposed to tell the person who kindly loaned you their stuff that they should clean it or pay for the cost of repairs. You make arrangements to make sure it is repaired! If you don't have the money then, make arrangements to fix it asap.

It's sick to lie as chronically as Irene and those who let her play them do. She is NOT going to pass it on to my family. She was interfering with me filling out financial aid forms for my daughter, taking pots and pans out of cupboards and banging them when I said I needed quiet to get this work done so my daughter could go to college. Irene said, "I didn't get to go to college, so why should she?" That is not Irene's decision to make. It was my daughter's and she wanted to go to college! Irene could have gone to C.O.D., but she chose not to.

A good grandmother would want better for her grandchildren. My grandmother offered to pay for my college tuition! At least I had a good grandparents and a good father for a time. Too bad he was Catholic and didn't believe in divorce, He could have been saved. I tell my kids about them often as examples of what a family should be like.

1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Irene left her mother all by herself up in Northern Michigan. She moved to Chicago to find a better life for herself. So did every one of her sisters. None of them stayed to take care of their mom. She had a friend who helped her out. Otherwise, she was on her own. I don't know if any of the other daughters ever visited her, but I went with Irene once when she visited her. She didn't go up very often. It was a long drive. Nevertheless, I don't recall Grandma Byers complaining about how nobody loved her, or that she only had X many grandkids who came to see her. She was all by herself most of the time after her husband died, in the small down in the upper peninsula of Miichigan.and had a friend who helped her out occasionally if she needed a ride to her doctors appointment. She didn't whine and play the victim.
She was a real bible reader, so maybe that's how she dealt with things. By the way, Irene claimed once that Her God was very important to her. I had driven her to the nursing home where she was going to recover from knee surgery. They sent in the resident pastor, who asked Irene whether her God was very important to her. I was interested to hear what she said because I don't recall her ever reading the Bible or expressing any religious or moral views. But she said, "Yes. my God is very important to me." So,just in case you don't know, her God may or may not be very important to her. Depends on what's in it for her at the moment. A woman of firm convictions (or not.)

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Dad and Toots ! I loved you very much, and still miss you both.

2:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The point of all this information (besides questioning your blaming of her older daughter for Irene's troubles) is that the next time Irene claims that she has No Idea why her older daughter won't invite her over, like she told Ruth (no idea, not an inkling), you can help poor Irene out and give her these multiple reasons. I already told her, of course, while I was driving her somewhere in my car when there was no noise and she could hear perfectly well, I repeated it 3 times, using little words, and asking her if she had any questions because now was the time to ask if she was still vague - she didn't have any questions) but she pretended to Ruth that she had No Idea. So, here is some of it in writing, and I'm not going to have to explain to anyone else that they're being used by her. Don't come over to ask, and don't send anyone over to ask, telling them not to call in advance. It's clear, so unnecessary to ask anymore. If you don't like it, well, there's nothing more to be done. She said repeatedly, "I'll do better" and then repeatedly got worse. Enough said.

6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, yeah. she's dangerous,too. Remember when her oldest daughter almost died because she put her cholesterol medicine in an Ibuprofen bottle? You were there when the ambulance came. When her daughter was discharged from the hospital after about a week in intensive care, the discharge doctor said to Irene, "Now remember to keep your medicine in the container it came in." Irene said, "And why is that?" The doctor's jaw dropped, and she said, "So this won't happen again!" Irene, naturally, denied that putting her prescription medicine in an Ibuprofen bottle had anything to do with it. She said that her daughter should have been able to tell her medicine wasn't Ibuprofen (though she was vague on how). The doctor finally gave up on trying to explain it to her. So, don't expect Irene to listen to medical experts any more than she listened to John. She knows more than trained professionals becauseā€¦ well, she can just tell. Sort of like that magical ability you have to psychologically diagnose her. She has a bad case of passive aggressive personality disorder- sort of like, I'm a high school drop out so I know it all. Sure. Whatever.

9:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drove by Irene's house the other day on my way back from a doctor's appointment. It looks so sad - obviously abandoned and ripe for squatters. I see she took it off the market again. Does she know you can't sell a house if you keep taking it off the market? Anyway, it's too bad, but I told her I wasn't ging to fix it up a second time after she "changed her mind" about selling it after my kids and I spend moths fixing it up. She said (typical backstabbing) You did such good job and it's so pretty, I just can't leave" When I said"I agreed to do this to sell, you're just going to mess it up again." She said, "Oh, I think I can keep it nice." Obviously NOT. It's worse off than ever. What the heck did you 4 do to it to trash it so much? Well, I told her I wouldn't fix it up again. I see she took it off the market again. Does she realize you have to keep it on the market to sell it if the first bite doesn't work out? Well, I'm very glad it's not my problem any more. My kids and I did our share of trying. Maaybe Linda is next. She just pops in when someone is on their deathbed because saving their soul isn't any work or money. Tell Mom to make sure to say she's seen Jesus Christ to get Linda off her back right away.

1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahh. I see why Irene had to leave her house. You forgot to tell us that America's Banker (according to O) foreclosed on it. I can certainly see why she'd be depressed about that. She should have kept it on the market in 2007, when the market was still decent and it was all fixed up. Often, the aggressive part of passive-aggressive behavior can have the opposite effect the passive-aggressive thinks. Here, it came around and bit HER.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In England, when Irene was invited to Join her oldest daughter, the students there called her "Crazy Irene". ust so you know when the assisted living people complain that Irene is always sending her coffee back,claiming that it's not fresh and she wants fresh coffee even though the harassed waitstaff swears it came from a new pot, she likes WEAK COFFEE, and calls regular coffee "not fresh." One time she repeatedly rejected a McDonald's cheeseburger because the cheese wasn't melted enough for her. We had to go around and around, listening to her complain to the poor, underpaid workers that it still isn't melted enough. She's basically the consumer from hell.

11:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This MADE UP story is even better than the one about why Chris didn't graduate on time. Rememeber you claimed that he skipped school for two months and the school never called you to let you know he wasn't there, Anyone with kids know that if your kid is sick and a parent forgets to call the school before 10:00 am, THE SCHOOL WILL ALWAYS CALL THE STUDENT'S HOME. If a student is out sick for more than 3 days, the parent needs to produce a doctor's note confirming the student was sick. Otherwise, the absences are "unexcused".I don't know what Chris was doing while he was missing school, but I do know you were notified by the school. Schools are picky about these rules.

9:07 AM  

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